On with November

Just a quick update.

Philly was lovely. Pearl Jam was spectacular. October is over.

November has begun. I started Nanowrimo, so I probably will have less lengthy posts this month -- I have a goal of 2000 words a day, and that will probably be all used up on my Nanoing.

Of course, I missed my 2000 words yesterday, because I went to get Frankie, who was kicked out of college (lol)

because he has "flu-like symptoms."

And NO ONE wants to see him -- the college Student Health Services said, "NO, DON'T BRING HIM IN -- We'll take your word for it and just write him a prescription, thank you very much! And buy the way, he must leave the dorm immediately!"

He was supposed to go to Philly and meet with his new Gastro dr. -- and they said, "NO, let's reschedule, we have an opening in January."

His Pediatrician's office said "NO, we really don't need to see him, thank you, YOU know how to take care of him already, so..."

So Frankie is home. He is sleeping up in his own bed. His fever was hovering around 103 - 104 last evening. He's taking Tamiflu, which should be really helpful. And since he already had a regular flu shot, our consensus is, well, I guess it must be swine flu? So he posted that he has Swine Flu on his facebook. He likes to suffer from dangerous illnesses. He better be careful he doesn't become quite a martyr. But no, no one has specifically TESTED him for Swine Flu, because no one wants him in the building.

I'm kinda glad he got it this week, when I'm home from work anyway, even if it does disrupt my plans a bit...

OK! On to Nanowrimo before he wakes up.

Mischief Night -- Pearl Jam Concert at the Spectrum

 I've been waiting for this weekend for a while... since the summer, I think. Looking forward to my autumn of concerts... all leading up to this one -- the last concert at the Spectrum, starring Pearl Jam! And of course you know how addicted we all are to Pearl Jam.

Thor is still kinda shocked. He started listening to them in the 90's, when the boys were born. At the time, I was listening to mainly country. I think it was a maternal thing, actually. Pearl Jam seemed TOO LOUD. He kept telling me that I should listen, I'd like them.

He laughed about it tonight over dinner. His biggest hope at the time was that I would let him listen to them in the car once in a while... he never expected that the whole family would become so addicted.

Frankie is the main reason I gave them more of a chance. Thor took the boys to a concert when they were pretty little -- Pearl Jam played the Garden State Arts Center. They had good seats. Frankie really loved it. And when Frankie had Crohns, he found out that the lead guitar player, Mike, has Crohns too. And when Frankie was feeling really crappy, he listened to a lot of music to make himself feel better -- and especially in the hospital. We were the only room in the pediatric hospital that was blasting hard rock down the hallway. It may have been weird, but I was happy for anything that got Frankie's mind off his illness. And THEN, the leader singer Eddie actually CALLED Frankie, because he'd heard about how sick he was... WOW. Now, I'll love them forever. Eddie still does stuff like that. There was a girl at the concert last night that he called to the stage, who'd been in the hospital for months after a car accident and had missed the concert last time -- I watched her walk down to the stage -- she was crying, and I was too...

(Anyway. Can you tell that this is ANOTHER long post? Sorry. Skip it if you want, I won't mind. I won't even know! :D I'm writing it down for my own head, ya know? Like my diary entry... "Dear Diary, Today I saw the most WONDERFUL concert..." I just happen to put my diary up online for anonymous strangers, friends, and family to read. I'm nuts.)

Anyway.

Four nights, Pearl Jam is playing the Spectrum. Then, it's closing down for good. I went last night. Mischief night. And Thor and Frankie went again tonight, Halloween. Should I have gotten tickets for me for tonight? Maybe. Maybe not. Like another famous rock song says, "you can't always get what you want. But sometimes, you can get what you need."


So -- my concert review:

Pearl Jam, Night Three at the Spectrum, was ROCKIN'. (Of course, the rockin' part isn't really my favorite. I love the more mellow stuff. But there were a lot of sing-a-longs, too. At least four songs had me jumpin' up and down like I was on a trampoline, I was that excited.)

The four of us walked in, and found our seats. The boys were sitting in the back of the floor; we had seats more in the middle. Floor seats leave a lot to be desired. They are folding chairs, and REALLY skinny. People these days? Not so skinny. The row numbers were chalked onto the floor, and the seats actually had little blackboards under them with the seat number chalked in. Old school. But I was surprised at how small the venue seemed, especially compared to MSG, which is where we saw PJ last; and at the Spectrum, I was surprised... we were pretty damn close to the stage, considering!!! That was really exciting. I sat and waited while Thor went to get a few beers. :P

The Spectrum might have a fine reputation, and a great history, but it FEELS dank. When we walked in, it was damp and cold. The steps were wet, like they'd just been hosed down to wash the beer off from the night before. It is certainly time for Philly to upgrade.

I paid $7.25 for a glass of really crappy red wine, but it hit the spot. Bad Religion opened, with a few songs I knew, and they were really rockin; I think I would have liked them more if I knew more of their material.

As the time got closer to PJ, the crowd filled in and the seats got tighter. So floor seats, even if they are close to the stage? Can't see a thing. Especially at 5 foot tall...



But really? In spite of all those heads, I got the whole concert vibe I was looking for. Because it isn't really about getting next to the band. If it was, no one would bother buying those nosebleed seats. It's all about BEING there. Being a part of the whole thing.


And I was totally a part of the whole thing. It was rocking. They played some great songs. At some point, I could feel the room go from dank and cold, to hot and humid -- from the thousands of strangers pressed against each other, all facing in one direction, all jumping to one beat, all screaming at the same moment, singing back to the singer. One huge organism, with one central focus, one united thought. How many people have listened to these same songs, under trying situations, on nights when they had no hope, and found the answers that they needed to get through the next day?

It became a religion. Not really too bad for a religion, actually. And no, I'm actually not even exaggerating.

Home and Light

 

A blog is a very narcissistic activity, because it's always all about me -- my life, through my eyes... I'd write more stories about other people but it doesn't always seem like a good idea. It's safest to write about myself. And everything I write about, everything that exists in this world, is filtered through my eyes and my experiences. (Of course, I write about the boys and about Thor, but still, it's obviously me back here talking.)

This is a photo of my house, taken tonight, and obviously touched up GENEROUSLY in Picasa. Because I didn't just want a picture the way it came out, I wanted it to be the way I see it. And I like the way this one feels.

The house is a lovely thing.

I have a lot of "irons in the fire." Don't I always? I've always got big ideas and not so much on the follow through. But lately, I've started painting again, with the thought that maybe someday I really will be an artist. And, I'm going to attempt Nanowrimo again. Nanowrimo, for those of you who don't already know, is a challenge. NAtional NOvel WRIting MOnth. You write a novel in a month. Good, bad, or ugly, it doesn't matter; the goal is words on paper, not quality. I can DO that. I actually DID do it, once; I have the certificate I earned for finishing it on the wall in my laundry room (Where I have all my certificates, and a few notes. I put them there to help motivate me to do some real work, once in a while.) Last year, I tried and failed. (Failed at both Nanowrimo AND at doing real work once in a while.) Oh well.

With my paintings, I'm trying to find light, especially the light I feel inside when I'm outside in the dark. Like the Pearl Jam song says, "See the path cut by the moon, for you to walk on..." So I've gotten a few started. I'll post details when I have some. But I'm trying to paint a certain feeling I get.

And with my novel -- for which I really don't have much of a plot yet -- I'm going to try to write some Young Adult Fiction (am I crazy?) about the feelings that all of us have, but as teens we don't seem to realize are universal.

I've always wondered about writing a novel. How can you write a story that isn't about yourself, or about someone you know? But I've read that if you make up the character, and the situation, and then you just go with what the CHARACTER wants to do, you'll have the story. So that's my plan. It's not going to be about anyone I know. I'm naming the main character Tyler... I think... that might change. And it's filtered through my eyes and my experiences, but it's not about me or anyone else, in particular. I'm going to TRY to make it about the universe. About the light inside of everyone, when they are outside and in the dark.

I might be brave and post some of it on here. Or I might not. The goal is writing it, not necessarily having it read.

Wish me luck!

Faithful

I'm truly happy that I have the house to myself tonight... I was really looking forward to it... but then, I got home, and realized I'm missing it...



Tonight's the 2nd Philly show. Frank, Nick, and my nephew Steve drove down to college, picked Frankie up, and are heading over to Philly to see the show. I could have gone. But how would I have made it to work in the morning?

I will get to a show... one... just not tonight.
And I was very happy to be home with the house to myself until I started surfing all over Youtube, watching the videos from last night...

On the positive side, this will be Stevie's first concert (I think) -- definitely his first Pearl Jam concert. And it's gonna be a nice male-bonding thing for the family. I didn't need to be there.

So I'm still watching Youtube.

Waking up in the Dark

 

I hate waking up in the dark
too early, but already running late
on a rainy tuesday

I really wanted to hide under my bed today

But I managed to fix my mood a bit
with two cups of tea
and an Excedrin for Migraines
And looking at some beautiful leaves and clouds
and then some nice conversation in work
and some music and a delicious lunch
and a little time to myself to make a list
of all the things that have to get done
that are hanging over my head

And thinking that tomorrow will be a better day

Right?

The Golden Ticket

This is the week of the big PJ shows...
Frankie is totally obsessed. He's gonna be there every night. Tonight, with his friend Bri, who has NO idea what she's gotten herself into. Well, maybe she has. He's been updating his facebook every hour with Pearl Jam updates. I must admit, I'm a little worried about the two of them heading into Philly alone. He might be an adult, but not REALLY.

Peace

Why do so many people seem to WANT to be miserable?

Maybe it's all brain chemistry and hormones.

There is a pretty good case to be made for that, because there have been PMS days and weeks when I have been totally out of control of my emotions and my thoughts and I have been miserable, and I can't seem to stop the negative thoughts running through my head.

But lately, all that has settled down -- thank goodness -- and I'm back to being happy.

If it IS brain chemistry and hormones, can it be fixed?

I've heard the quote that "religion is the opiate of the masses." Maybe it was a better option. At least religion is a more positive opiate than, say, opium.

After experiencing an interesting day yesterday, I discovered something very interesting about myself.

When there is strife around me, I react with avoidance. (Well, at least this was true yesterday. Is it always true? Maybe.) I don't take notice. I pull the wool over my own eyes and change the subject. Especially when the strife doesn't really involve me anyway, when I'm just on the edge, watching someone else spiraling out of control. And especially when I know that there are no positive solutions or easy answers. And I stay in my own little happy world, with the sun shining and the wind blowing. And I forget it all as fast as I possibly can. 'Cause really, I'm pretty tired of that kind of thing.

But today, I am wondering, can people help themselves? Is the drama addictive? Is it beyond their control? Are they choosing to be miserable, or is it thrust upon them? They blame everyone else but themselves. They say, "I can't take this" or "It's not my fault" or "It's so HARD," or "You don't understand, it's never happened to you." I really hate that one, because... well, no, you can't really argue it, because it's true, but it's still just an excuse.

No one can solve anyone else's problems. Especially the big ones. I have to remember that. I don't even want to try anymore.


And I go back to dealing in my own little pollyana way.
Ignoring and avoiding whatever drama I can, I guess, and praying for what I can't ignore.

Wordless Wednesday

 

The Changing of the Guard

It's the end of an era
And I'm gonna miss it
But ya know ya can't go back
time keeps marching forward,
and the boys keep growing,
and things change no matter what else happens.


OK, another long rambling post, I guess, because I have a lot of emotions to work out... sorry, if the rambling bothers you, check in again maybe tomorrow; for now, I plan on being WORDY. But tomorrow is Wednesday. For now, it is still only Tuesday.

Tuesday has always been boy scout night, ever since the boys were in 1st grade. And tonight is a big Tuesday for me...




Tonight marks the end of an era. Actually, maybe the end of two eras... and of course, as always, every ending means another beginning...

Tonight, we got word that one of the old Scoutmasters -- a guy everyone had a lot of respect for, (actually I've never even met him, he was way before my time --) has passed away.

It happens to also be the night that I officially retired my leadership position in the troop. I've been Advancement Chair for several years... how many? Since Nick was in I guess 5th grade? And now he's in 11th... yup, sounds about right.

I have so many great memories. Memories of when I first came in to the troop, with maybe 15 boys in tow?... Into a fully male dominated organization, and I was offered a VERY hesitant welcome... mainly from the Scoutmaster (who was burning out from trying to do it all) and from an Assistant Scoutmaster who was probably happy to be contrary to the opinions of the old guard. And who was actually only a responsible kid we'd met at Summer camp. And a wall of "old" guys who wanted to know, why was a MOM trying to get involved? I tried to be an Assistant Scoutmaster. I wanted to shake things up and make changes. And I faced the wall of guys - all very nice guys, mind you - and I was firmly told, "No, THIS is the way we do things." And I fought about it for a while, but after a while, and with a lot of help - especially from the Assistant Scoutmaster, who was really good about teaching ME the program at the same time he was teaching the kids... I finally learned. It's a team, it's a history, it's a tradition, it's not just my project... I learned to change what I could, and accept what I couldn't change, and learn to know the difference, as the prayer says.



More Moms became involved. I feel like I helped break a few barriers; it was a boys club, and became a parents club... and we had SO MUCH FUN over the years... The memories are some of the best in my life.... I remember setting up summer camp in the POURING RAIN... and the first time Alison used an official Boy Scout outhouse... and sitting around the campfire until 3 AM with Ellen and Joe and Ted and Erwin, and we LAUGHED AND LAUGHED until we were gasping for breath, and the boys slept ... Walking up mountains and along trails, alone, with children, with friends... I remember WORRYING like CRAZY from the beginning, about every detail imaginable... I remember watching the boys, geeky, awkward, children, finding friends, showing that they cared for each other, learning to be independent... learning to work, which I would never have thought -- yes, these spoiled children will pack and tote gear and set up and cook and wash dishes and NOT EVEN COMPLAIN (much), even though it's pouring rain, or freezing cold, or even though they WANT TO PLAY MANHUNT NOW!




I've watched them become Eagle Scouts. Not all of them, mind you. But a good number. I'm so proud of the Eagles that I feel I helped even just a little, find their wings: Nick W.... Matt... Chris... Frankie... Casey... Travis... Devin... Gerry... George... and now Mike... and Ryan... and to some extent, Andrew S... and maybe more? And I was honored to receive a mentoring pin from Nick and Matt and Casey, and of course a Mother pin from Frankie. That quote about "To have succeeded..." - I can measure my biggest true success in my life specifically from the small part I had in helping every one these boys, even the ones who never accomplished Eagle, but are still growing up to be great guys.

So tonight, I handed over my papers and information... and I let go.

And I watched the next guard taking over, railing at the system and the chaos that they've been given, their energy and will to change everything. I want to stop them and make them understand -- you CAN't change everything!!! It's this way for a reason!!! There is a history here, and it's this way for a reason!!!

And I can see the echo of the old guard, all the "old" guys I wrested my position from, saying the same things to me... and I see they won't listen. And I hope they'll learn, like I did, although my teacher has gone as well.

And I really miss those old days. I could actually cry.

But, everything does end, and everything changes... it's the way it's supposed to be. And everyone needs to be able to let go. And it's time for the next stage in my life to come forward. And yeah, I'm still a part of scouting -- a tiny part of this group for a while longer, and a bigger part of the Venturing group, which is the right program for Nicky right now... and I've got my own personal projects that I'm going to work on (as soon as I've made the room in my life!) ...so I know it's right and good and appropriate for the end to be here...

... but I really miss you guys...

I just can't help it.

More Avetts. I'm totally engrossed in them. I sit on youtube and watch videos for hours at a time. !!!!
This was the ending of a GREAT CONCERT... No one wanted it to end...