Keep In Touch

2011-08-26T14:03:00.001-04:00

I am testing my mobile communication system

In a Financial Fog

2011-08-15T14:50:00.001-04:00

I'm having trouble really understanding finance and politics, and I'm tired of not being able to argue my point of view very well. One thought I had is that I should study the whole topic, economics and politics and tax and finance, so that I can understand it better. I've been avoiding studying it for a few reasons. One reason, because every time I start reading more about it, I get depressed or aggravated. Another reason - because it's such a huge topic, and I always assume that there are more than two sides to any given story, and nothing is black and white, but everything is a hazy shade of gray. And finally - because I'm afraid that I'm not really smart enough to understand what is going on with the whole economy, because if all of these smart people out there have so many different opinions, how can I possibly understand?

But I've decided to start trying to keep track of things I read, in order to be able to go back to them and make sense out of them. So, in that vein, here are a few interesting thoughts/quotes/articles/points/ whatever ya wanna call them.

Warren Buffett wrote an editorial on why we should stop coddling the super rich: HERE

"...from 1980 to 2005, more than 80 percent of total increase in Americans’ income went to the top 1 percent of taxpayers...." Jill Schlesinger, from MoneyWatch.com (CBS) read more HERE

Read more: http://moneywatch.bnet.com/economic-news/blog/financial-decoder/buffett-on-taxes-rich-should-pay-more/4830/#ixzz1V7jW5Sqk

The Pay at the Top: from the New York Times... you can read it HERE...
The compensation research firm Equilar compiled data reflecting pay for 200 chief executives at 199 public companies that filed their annual proxies by April 1 and had revenue of at least $7 billion.
The number one guy -

Viacom Philippe P. Dauman -

well, he didn't get a raise in 2009, because his company had laid off about 850 people. I'm pretty sure they weren't hired back. So obviously, he deserved to make about 149% more in compensation from 2009 to 2010, because after all he'd missed a year, and they probably showed a pretty good bottom line that year. So he went from $34 Million to $89.5 Million.

My goal in this exercise is NOT to only be one sided, although so far my links are one sided. My goal is to really learn the truth. The hard part about that is that I already have an opinion, and my opinion is so far left I'm practically a socialist or communist or something. BUT... please... I am a VERY PATRIOTIC AMERICAN, before you get any ideas! So, I'm planning on doing more research, including on tea party ideals and tenets. I want to have the whole story, or as close as I can get to it.

And then, I guess, my goal is to fix it.

The Story of Then and Now, Chapter 1.

2011-07-22T15:14:00.002-04:00

Once upon a time, (because that is how all good fairy tales start,)
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was an old woman.

She wasn’t a particularly striking old woman. She was small, and a bit stout. She had thick white hair that curled up from her forehead in waves. She had cool, white, powdery skin. Her warm hazel eyes sparkled from behind silver framed bifocals.

The old woman was my Gram.

Gram wasn’t particularly noticeable to most people, I don’t suppose. I’ve been noticing myself how easily ignored you are when you get to be a woman of a certain age, and I suppose that she had found the same thing to be true. And while Gram never wanted to be the center of attention in a crowd, I know that she DID like it when people paid attention to her.

She was a little bright bird sitting in the trees in a deep shady forest. You might not notice her, at first, but when you learned to sit quietly and pay attention, she would peek out of the brush and chirp a bit, and make you feel glad deep in your heart.

I learned a lot of things from my Gram, and she helped form the person in my mind that I aspire to become. Well… it wasn’t ONLY Gram that helped form that person… it was also other people in the recipe for the “super me” I wish I was. But I guess I’ll get to that later. Right now, I’m talking about Gram.

Gram told the BEST stories. She started off with the babies, right off the bat, cooing at them and talking to them and reciting nursery rhymes. There is a nursery rhyme for every occasion; I bet you didn’t know that, did you?

When the babies got a little older – but before they could talk – she would take out her teeth at them.

Yup, that’s what I said. Gram had a lovely smile, but it was fake. She had gotten dentures at a very young age, and she was embarrassed about them. She slept with them in, and never took them out; no one EVER saw her without her teeth and told the tale… but babies, now that was different. They couldn’t tell. They would laugh, and coo, and reach for her face – but they didn’t have the words to tell anyone what they saw. Only once in a while did I catch her, when she didn’t see me looking, in the middle of her funny face no teeth act for a baby. She would have been embarrassed if she knew I’d seen her.

After a while, as a child got older, Gram told stories that were longer and more complicated. She told fairy tales with a relish, changing her voice for each of the parts. She could recite long poems from memory, thanks to her education in a one room school house in the hills. And, at times… especially times when family gathered around the kitchen table for tea and coffee after dinner… she told family stories.

The family stories were the best. They were funny and tender and slightly mature, which really kept a young child – me – enthralled. After an amazing meal – maybe a pot roast, with a thick rich brown gravy, sweet carrots and onions and potatoes sprinkled with black pepper, bread and butter, and apple sauce, and always – always – a green vegetable too! – everyone sat back and talked. It was the era right after smoking became unpopular, but it wasn’t yet looked down on like it is now. So a cigarette was lit, and coffee and tea was made for those who wanted it. My uncle Pete asked me if I wanted some ice cream to go with the gravy left over from dinner. It was dark and glossy brown and maybe could have been chocolate sauce, if it wasn’t actually beef gravy. Besides, who could eat another bite? And the conversation flowed around the table. “Remember when Momma run off the peddler with a shot gun? Hey, how ‘bout that time that Lewis came home with that poor boy from the railroad?”

And so, that is how it all started. It started with a story. Once upon a time.

But, of course, there was a before that time, and there is also an after that time. And that is the story I would like to try to tell.

I wanna find this again later

2011-07-04T08:31:00.002-04:00

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/2tUPzw/manvsdebt.com/24-quick-action-you-can-do-today

Stumble upon - my newest time wasting web site to visit - had this article that I want to go back to, so I'm putting it here so I can find it again :)

www.stanprokopenko.com/blog/2009/07/draw-lips/
This one too - how to draw lips!

Good morning!

2011-06-25T09:43:00.002-04:00

I just had the urge to check in and write on here this morning, and I have no idea why. If you had the sudden urge to look at this blog, maybe you are the person I'm supposed to be talking to... Maybe? Like, a fate kind of thing? ...Or, maybe not. Anyway, I haven't been here in a while. You may have noticed. You may not have noticed. And maybe I'm just writing because I need to work out some stuff in my head.

I get really "into" something for a while, but the thing that I'm "into" changes periodically. I love to write on this blog, but other things came up that became MORE of an addiction. Like sometimes, I get really addicted to a game. A few years ago, when the kids were younger, it was the video game Animal Crossing. I loved to play that game. Then, more recently, it was Pop it or Bubble shooter, Farmville, or Bejeweled blitz. I play whatever game it is obsessively for what ever reason until I suddenly get bored with it. Then I won't go back, or if I do it's only occasionally. Sometimes, I get really addicted to a web site. I think the first time I felt that way, it was a message board that I was addicted to. It was about scouting, and I posted frequently and read all the posts that went up, and that was years ago. I felt that way about my email in the beginning, too; I couldn't wait to see if someone emailed me, and when I got an email I was so excited! I felt that way about Myspace. I had a great time designing and redesigning my space, finding graphics, and making comments. I scrolled through pages of music groups. I also really loved looking at all the other people's myspaces, and how they would evolve from day to day. Some would change from minute to minute. I would click through the myspaces of everyone I knew obsessively to see what was going on. And the same thing happened with the beginning of Facebook. (Although, for some reason, I haven't felt that way about Twitter yet. BUT Maybe I'll grow into it.)

The same thing with the blog. I love this blog, just like I loved writing on The Frankie Report before it. Right now, I tend to write on the Iselin Times blog most often. You can read it if you click HERE. The Frankie Report was great because I felt like I had a real story to tell, and I wanted to tell it, and I got some great feedback. I stopped writing it when the main subject - Frankie - stopped wanting me to report on him. This blog has been great too, but in a different way; I was more self-expressive, and more free-flowing. Sometimes this blog feels too self-indulgent, though. And sometimes I just don't have anything to say that I haven't said a million times before. The days change, but the opinions remain the same. For the most part.

The Iselin Times blog has been fun because I've been trying to write for a wider audience, in a more impersonal manner. I've tried to be a bit more of a reporter - although I am the first person to admit that I don't really have reporter tendencies, because I like everything to be happy-happy, and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or intrude where I don't feel comfortable. Reporters can't really be like that. But it's been fun to watch the counts rise on the Iselin Times. Currently I have something like 1000 readers a month, and it's been rising steadily every single month. I keep wondering, how long can this last? And what can I write about... people MUST be sick of reading about the weather and seeing a photo from my window. But I guess they aren't, at least not yet. I get SOME feedback, but not a lot. I would like to get more comments, but I've been having trouble doing that. But people are definitely clicking. The most frustrating thing about THAT is that the Adsense people won't reinstate my ads, since I messed up the first time. Hmph.

So recently, one of the web sites that fed traffic to the Iselin Times lost it's editor. I don't know what's going to happen with that. I am a little worried that I'm not going to see my clicks continue to rise. Maybe ihttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gift will become less fun to write. Maybe it will be more of a challenge. Time will tell.

Right now, the main concern I have is that I don't have the time for everything I want to do. I'm trying to do so much, and I have so little time. I want to write, and paint, and hike, and garden, and dance around the living room, and get the laundry done, and cook something marvelous, and have tea with my friend, and go to the city. I have such a marvelous life, to have such an embarrassment of riches of experience.

Well, don't feel bad that I don't get to write on here too often lately. I still like to blog here, when the mood strikes. Check the Iselin Times blog if you want to read my stuff more often. Or the Susyluwho blog - which hasn't hit it's stride yet ... which you can find HERE. That one's sort of a rolling list of what I've created lately. I thought it would be good to have one place with all my projects on it. But I don't update it all that often either. Maybe that will be the one I work on most, after the Iselin Times ceases to excite me. I'll have to see.

Oh yeah, one more thought! Ya know how last summer was my "summer of art and flowers"? Well, for some reason, this is my "Alice in Wonderland" summer. Unfortunately, I'm not Alice, I'm the mad Hatter. I was Alice about 25 years ago.

See ya again soon!

Magnolia

2011-04-14T08:20:00.003-04:00

I took this photo this morning, and I haven't used my new tablet on it. Just plain old camera and picasa. The tablet came with Adobe photoshop, in addition to Corel, but I haven't downloaded that program yet. That's next week's project.

I've been looking at a lot of art lately and getting depressed because there are some phenomenally talented people out there, and I'm not in their league. But I do enjoy creating anyway, and taking photos.

Spring is surely here. The allergies have really started. The tree is blooming and leaves are sprouting. The lawn looks like it needs mowing already. I'm going to put out some plants pretty soon. Then, summer will be here and it will be blazing hot, before you know it. Time just keeps cycling around.

My new toy

2011-04-12T20:45:00.002-04:00

Wacom bamboo craft

My new toy

2011-04-10T17:26:00.001-04:00

This is the first picture I did on my brand new toy!!! I'm so excited!!! It's a tablet thingy you can draw and paint on. LOVELOVE LOVE it!

Silent and gray

2011-04-04T11:21:00.006-04:00

It is very quiet here in my house. I hear two clocks ticking, and the hum of the refrigerator and a soft whirring sound from my lap top. I hear the clicking of my keyboard keys as I write this. Sometimes it gets a little spooky to hear so much silence. But I usually leave the music on, day and night, and that drowns it out. I know a lot of people leave the TV on a lot to drown out that silence, but TV drives me crazy. Too much fake laughter and ads.

It's getting warmer but it rains pretty often. On those sunny days, life is beautiful. I have a ton of energy and get lots of things done. But who wants to be inside on a gorgeous day? On a cloudy, rainy day, my mood is duller. I know I've written about this before, but it amazes me how much difference is made by the weather. I think about people who move to Florida - Annie, are you reading this? Are you in a good mood every day? That can't be true, can it? If it is true, then I guess we're all crazy for living anywhere else.

Today? Today is warm but not bright. And I feel comfortable but not energetic. I can look outside and see a bright spot of color in my backyard, a forsythia bush. It's a bright wild tangle of yellow and today it's the only color I can see outside from this seat on the couch. There is a reason I keep that bush, and today is the reason. I keep a wild tangled mess for 365 days so that for one day when it is gray outside and I am glum, I can see some bright color.

From this spot on the couch I can also see some chickadees trying to build a nest in a bird house that has gone beyond seeing better days... it's just plain shot. It's hanging lopsided and cracked, and the roof is practically coming off. I'm sure it's stuffed full of dirty old nesting fluff, and it can't be pleasant. But for some reason they keep coming back to it. I guess in nature, no one would clean out the hollow of the tree they would nest in? So maybe they like it this way. I'm a little worried about them, though, because it doesn't really look safe. And I can't reach it to fix it. I'll have to ask Frank.

I read an article this morning about how the Great Recession has had an effect on how people decorate their houses now. I forget exactly how they worded it, and I forget the catchy phrases that they used. But the gist of it was that people are not as into reading magazines about how they should decorate their house. They are just doing what ever they feel like doing, and there is no right or wrong. That's pretty much what that bird is doing out there. I'm pretty happy about that, because that means I finally have a chance at being in style, lol. (Not that I'm really worried about that. I never decorated my house like this for anyone else but me, and that is very true, as true as can be.)

My house is comfy and reflects my interests and my history and my personality. I don't change things much. For example, the lamps in my living room are the same lamps my mother made in ceramics about 35 years ago. It's not that I love them - although I do like them - but it's something my mother made, and it works, and why should I change it? The same as my kitchen. My mother redid the kitchen in the 70's or 80's, and it still looks great to me. Sure, I get new appliances when I need to, and when we added on our addition, we redid the floor and wall paper. But I see no reason to replace the dark wood cabinets she had put in, because they still work fine. They'll be back in style eventually.

Oh dear, this is turning out to be a very rambling post. Sorry. I don't write for ages, and then in one day I write a book.

Anyway, back to my point. I decorate my house for me, and I only barely care who else likes it. And I guess the same thing applies to cleaning it. If I know I'm going to have company, I try to clean up. Which is a good reason to have company. But if you just drop in, expect to see a mess. And at some point, when I know you pretty well, I won't even really try to clean up much.

So that's getting back to the reason for why I'm rambling on my blog. I have decided that today I'm going to work on the laundry room. That's a spot that NEVER gets clean, because company never goes up and looks in there. (Usually.) That is something I really need to straighten up, because I can't walk into the room without tripping over something. And so, obviously, I'm sitting on my couch, listening to the clocks tick, and rambling on my blog. What else would you expect me to be doing?

Gotta Love a Ukulele

2011-03-15T16:33:00.001-04:00

Click here for Rock 101.9 RXP // New on RXP: a new solo Ukulele song by Eddie Vedder! :)

Beware the Ides of March

2011-03-15T11:41:00.000-04:00

Today is March 15th, or "the Ides" of March. In Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar (Act 1, scene 2), it is the day that a soothsayer or fortuneteller tells Caesar to beware; turns out to be the day that Caesar is assassinated.

With everything going on in the world today, it feels like a good day to beware. If I was a superstitious sort... which, of course, I am... I would be wondering what to make of all of the tragedy we've been seeing lately. Especially since I stayed up late last night, watching coverage of Japan's triple disaster: earthquake, tsunami, and nuclear threat.

I read on The Huffington Post the other day that a few Christian groups have calculated and come up with the idea that May 21 will be the day the Christ returns... Judgement day. (If you are interested in reading the story for yourself, you can go HERE. (I always thought that the second coming was supposed to be a surprise! I don't suppose He's going to be happy with them if they've ruined it!)

I believe that May 21 will be a Saturday. And I'm pretty sure my whole family will be home. So I've decided that it will be a good day to have a nice family dinner. I'm not sure what I'm going to cook yet; maybe it will be warm enough by then to have a barbecue. And if it isn't raining, I think we'll have a little campfire in the back yard that night.

And I'm pretty sure that on May 22 we'll be having leftovers, and cleaning up, and relaxing. Hope so, anyway. :)

My new teapot

2011-03-14T17:04:00.002-04:00

This is my new teapot, hand made by my nephew Steven. I love the way he made the leaves and berries around the top. The color is great, too. It goes really well with my dining room. I love a cuppa tea.

I've made a lot of kids laugh because if anyone has anything wrong, I almost always try to cheer them up by offering them a cuppa tea. And for the most part, there are very few kids who want tea. (At first. I've gotten a bunch of them to like it, lately.) There's nothing more cozy than a nice warm cuppa tea with milk and lots of sugar. Very soothing.

I always had tea with Gram. When she stayed with me, when the kids were little, after the morning rush of getting people out the door, once things got calm and quiet again, she would always put the kettle on. The first cup of tea in the morning was to get moving, and drank while standing and organizing and doing whatever it was I did in the mornings when the kids were little. Getting out the cereal, finding a better pair of socks with no holes, mediating a dispute. But the SECOND cup of tea, THAT one we would sit down and drink quietly. She would tell me a story. She was a great story teller. Or we would read the newspaper. That was back when people had the newspaper delivered to the door every morning... do tell! Can you imagine that, the newspaper, made out of paper, and read every single morning?

Now, my first cup of tea IS my second cup of tea, because I don't have to get anyone organized or out of the house. Gram is gone, and so is the newspaper. I stopped getting it once upon a time when it had nothing worth reading, but it was costing money, and it was a pain to remember to recycle. Now, I take my cuppa - and my new teapot - to the computer, and read the news and status updates and blogs and stuff online. I think about Gram's stories. I'm going to start writing some of them down, along with her recipes. I don't want them to be lost forever.

My life has changed a lot over the years, but a lot of things remain the same.

The Saw Doctors at the Stone Pony

2011-03-11T11:02:00.000-05:00

The Law of the Garbage Truck

2011-03-02T15:19:00.001-05:00

I saw this on a friend's facebook page. I really liked it, and I wanted to remember it. So I put it here so I can read it again.

This has to be one of the best emails I have received in a long time because when you sit and think about the meaning, it is so true. Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.

We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.

My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.

My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.

So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'

This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call,'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.

As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,

so ... Love the people who treat you right.

Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

"Faith is not believing God can,it is knowing that God will."

A New Day

2011-03-01T06:52:00.003-05:00

It's a new dawn, it's a new month, it's a new year...

although I did take this photo LAST year.

Today I'm going for an interview for a new job. I'm still optimistic and at the same time, I'm not expecting to get the job. But I do think it's within the realm of possibility. I'm going to try my best, and I've been meditating on the idea that the universe (Higher Power) (God) wants what's best for us and if it's meant to be, it will be.

I've been thinking a lot about my beliefs lately.

I'm going to write here about what I believe, but please don't think that if it's different from what YOU believe, I'm judging you.

I always liked the line from the bible that says "In my Father's house are many rooms. I go there now to prepare a place for you." I might interpret it differently from other people, but I take that to mean that God has a place for a lot of different beliefs, and Jesus is one of them, but not the only one.

I like the Buddhist idea of deciding for myself what I believe, not just accepting the information that is handed to me, on faith.

I do believe in "God" but I don't believe in "Him." I think "HE" is too narrow of a pronoun and "God" is too small of a name for what the higher power actually is.

I don't really believe in church as THE place to connect with that higher power. I think church is a great place to connect with other people, to build community, and that there is a lot of higher power within community of peoples.

I believe in prayer. But I hate telling people that I'm praying for them, because of all the connotations that word has. Maybe meditating is a better word. "I'm meditating for good things to happen to you." That doesn't seem right either. "I'm focusing positive vibes on you, man. Groovy." lol

I believe SO MUCH in prayer, that I hesitate to ask for anything specifically, because I really believe you have to be careful what you ask for, because you just might get it.

So going on this job interview today, I'm not praying I get the job. I'm praying "Thy will be done," which really is the best prayer, to me. Considering my belief that "GOD" wants what's best for us, doesn't that seem the most realistic prayer?

And it's a beautiful, sunny day... and a brand new month, almost spring... and whatever will be, will be. Amen... :)

New Blog Design

2011-02-24T19:47:00.003-05:00

I've redone the blog again. I think it looks simpler, but nicer. It's always fun to redecorate.

It was a long day, and I'm tired. I was substitute teaching again today. It went really well, a very nice day. I put out a few more feelers for jobs. I have another sub job on Monday, and then an interview on Tuesday. Keep your fingers crossed!

My Challenge

2011-02-23T11:30:00.008-05:00

I'm home. I'm out of work.
I was happy as a secretary in the school system.
The economy feels like it is collapsing.
My heart starts to pound
when I hear about the public employees in Wisconsin.

My husband is working.
He's been working for years at the same job. It pays the bills.
Is he happy?
Eh. It pays the bills. He's good at what he does.
But there is a reason they call it "work".
His career is in consumer electronics.
Stuff people want, but not stuff people need.
Not stuff people are going to buy if they have no jobs.

My husband and I - we are getting older.
The kids are leaving.
It's not empty nest syndrome yet, but it's pretty close.
They don't need me to "mommy" them anymore.
They need me to kick them out of the nest.
They are teetering on the edge, and stretching their wings.
It's almost time.

I expected that the job I had was going to take me through to my golden years.
The husband was going to retire sooner rather than later.
I'd retired once already, when I had kids.
I was happy being back to work.
I wanted to work for the next 25 years.

Things change.

You are walking down the trail,
through a forest, in deep leafy green.
Your pack is comfortable on your back.
Heavy, yes, but it's not more than you can handle.
Sometimes you have to jump from stone to stone
and sometimes you have to cross a stream
and sometimes you have to push through the brush
but the forest is green and comforting.
The trail is leading you uphill
and you are getting tired, and a bit achey,
but you rest for a few minutes and then keep going.

Things change.
The trail turns slightly
and you realize that in front of you
is a rock wall.
You can't go around it
and you can't go back.
This is the next step on the trail.

And there is no guarantee
that you CAN climb it.
You aren't in the greatest shape,
after all.

Sure, other people
have been able to climb it.
But how?
There are no instructions.
Only a few scattered blazes
to give you some suggestions.
There are no guarantees.
This is NOT Disney world.
You know that rattlesnakes
like to linger in the rocks.
Other hikers have mentioned
a rattlesnake right here,
somewhere in this pile of rocks.
And the rocks are slippery.
Even if every other person
has been able
to climb these rocks,
you could be the one
in a million
to slip
and hit your head and die.

These thoughts
are rolling through your head
as you start picking your way
awkwardly
up the rock wall.

But -
taking it one step at a time -
I don't know how I'm going to make it
up ahead.
But this one step,
yes,
I can put my right foot right there.
And then what?
I have no idea.
But I can put my left foot
right here.

Climbing
all the way up
one step
at a time
is really slow
and not very pleasant.
And your pack
becomes much heavier
and you can barely
look around at the scenery.

Finally reaching
the top of this cliff,
you look farther ahead
and you see
a whole new landscape.
The views are beautiful,
completely different
than hiking in the valley of trees.
You look ahead and realize
that there is another rock wall,
not so far away.
And you have no idea
how you are going to
make it up that wall
But you can see where you should put this one foot.

True story.

So I guess that's why
even though I'm really worried about our future
I haven't given in to complete despair.
And the kids are about to jump out of the nest,
but they have also proved that they are the kind of kids
to come back and help sherpa their momma if she needs it
over the rough patches.

My challenge.

I'm lazy.
I get "blah"
and I don't write
and I don't make money
and I don't do much of anything.

My challenge
Is to just keep moving
and take the next step
and not just sit by the trail
and daydream.

You are the bread and the knife.

2011-02-23T10:16:00.001-05:00

This is an amazing video. It's a little boy, reciting a poem. It is a great poem, but what makes it even greater is this sweet little boy.
My gram would have loved this video.

Good evening.

2011-02-21T00:40:00.002-05:00

I love to be up late. I love to sit up in the middle of the night, especially by myself, and listen to the quiet house. Thank goodness the wind stopped. It howled so much last night I couldn't hear myself think.

This isn't tonight's moon, but it's a good night shot, and I like to put a picture up. If I could put any picture up right now, it would be that picture that I can never take. The picture of being in the woods with the trees lit up from stars and sparks from a campfire, and plenty of light to see, but never enough light for the photo that I try to take and never comes out.

I haven't been writing much lately, I know. I'm not sure why. I have a lot to think about but not a lot that I want to share with the world. I've been doing a lot of stuff. Fun stuff, painting, making doll clothes, cooking interesting food, visiting people and places. I've got my garden planned out. I have ideas swimming through my head of things I want to do and accomplish. Maybe it's because I've been keeping myself so busy that I haven't written.

On the days I'm busy with all of my projects and people, I find I don't have the time to write. On the days that I'm not busy I find that I'm blah and I don't want to write then either.

I'm balancing on a teeter totter, back and forth, between optimism and pessimism. One moment in time and I'm optimistic that everything is great, we're getting by fine, the world is good, and I'll find a job - if I really want one - maybe I don't even need one. The next moment in time I'm worried that things could change in a moment, the economy is certainly going to get worse - this I do believe is true - and I need to prepare for the difficulties that haven't hit yet but I can feel coming our way. The song in my head? REM's "It's the end of the world, as we know it... and I feel fine..." I can see things coming in the distance that I don't even know HOW to prepare for!

I think about the story of the grasshopper and the ants. We are all grasshoppers. How come no one notices this? I know I'm a grasshopper. But the thing about that story... in the version I always heard, the grasshopper convinces the ants to help him out for the winter. I always imagine the illustration on the last page of the book that I had, of the Grasshopper playing his fiddle, while the ants dance in their cozy house, as the winds howled outside. The ants worked hard, and their hard work paid off. They had food and shelter. But what would their life have been like without the Grasshopper? Much more dreary, no sparkle, the only sound the wind howling at the door.

I'm Official!

2011-02-12T13:58:00.000-05:00

I'm officially an artist, because I officially got paid for a portrait I did! This is Buffy. The person who wanted her painted said it came out great, and paid me! :) Wow, that made my week!

Quiet

2011-02-03T09:27:00.002-05:00

I'm here all alone again, and it's very quiet in the house. I have plenty of things in mind to keep me busy, but I don't know where to start first.
List of things to do:
- find a job
- figure out if I can get unemployment back or not
- work on budget
- go to bank
- straighten up house
- laundry (always laundry)
- floors
- clean bathrooms
- piles of paperwork
- paint
- make doll clothes
- start seeds for garden
- bake
- make a big dinner
- etc.etc.etc....

It isn't a lack of things to do, for sure, that will make me crazy!

What this week will bring

2011-01-30T08:35:00.004-05:00

Sunday.... ahhhh.... love Sunday.

I have to go to work tomorrow. It's my last day as a substitute teacher.
I can tell you, it's not been my finest moment. I didn't do well, I didn't handle it well.
I'm happy I don't have to go back after Monday.

I've though so much about this whole experience and yet I can't pin down the real problem. I don't know why I was so unhappy doing this. In theory, it would be a great job. In reality, I didn't have what it takes, whatever that is.

So, now I'm going to be unemployed again. I'm hoping I can get my unemployment back. I have no idea if I can or can't. I'll have to call the Unemployment Office on Monday to find out.

And I'm going to be searching hard for a job. Unfortunately, I don't know how well THAT will work out. A "Facebook Friend" just posted that she has sent out 587 applications and hasn't come up with anything yet. The economy isn't what it should be.

So I'm also looking at alternate ideas for money savings and maybe making money. And it all starts Tuesday.

But one thing is for sure... I'm going to miss being out in the world. If I'm sitting here every day without anyone to talk to, just talking to myself, I'm going to go crazy.

Glaciers are forming

2011-01-27T16:40:00.000-05:00

This winter has been one for the record books! I read somewhere that it's the most snow we've had in more than 60 years or something. And the custodian across the street said that he heard more snow is coming in for Tuesday.

Seems like I never blog anymore unless we have a snow day.

Seems like we have a snow day every week or so!

Today is the first time this winter that I've helped dig out the cars. It is nice having grown sons, but on the other hand, they are not always around like they were when they were little. I remember when they were little and helped me shovel, I did most of the work for the first few years, and then when they got the hang of it they really took over.

Snow days aren't bad if you don't have to leave the house except to shovel. I don't like them as much when you have somewhere to go, something to do. But today has been pleasant, and I've got the house to myself! :)

I'll be blogging more next week, I'm pretty certain of it. See ya then!

Slush

2011-01-18T14:51:00.000-05:00

We had a snow day from school today, which was lovely! It wasn't really snowing, but there is already a lot of snow on the ground, and the precipitating was rather icy and slush is covering the streets.
So I've tried to spend the day productively - like I try to spend all my days -- TRY being the operative word. It doesn't always happen that way. I did get my resume finished at least, and I had a lovely lunch with Nick. I've read a bit. And now I'm stalling from doing housework and laundry. And from thinking. So I decided to take a picture of the lovely slush that's allowing me to be home and lazy instead of at work.

I've got some new goals for my next time of unemployment, after the teaching thing is done. First priority is to actively look for a good job. My oldest son thinks that most likely, I'll take the first job I find, and then I won't keep looking for a better one. He thinks I should take the first job, but keep looking. I'm going to try to make the first job I find BE the good one that I want to keep. In the meantime, I plan on cooking more. The cooking substitute job taught me a lot about cooking simple things like bread and stuff from scratch, and I want to do more of that, for economy and for health.

I want to keep painting and reading, and write more. I'm starting to make doll clothes for a gift, and I want to sew more; I'm going to start the quilt I've always wanted to make. (My goal is only making one quilt, I'm not taking it up as a hobby.) I want to exercise more, first thing in the morning (which, for me, will be closer to 8 AM!) I want to be structured and not as lazy as I am today. I want my schedule to be full, and not so full of slush as it is today.

Yay snow days!

2011-01-12T10:52:00.002-05:00

We woke up to a few more inches of fresh snow, which is a good thing because I didn't want to go to school today! So I'm cleaning my bedroom, trying to get through the piles of laundry that just keep accumulating. And I'm thinking about how I'm going to enjoy being out of work again.

One of the problems I'll have with not going to work again is putting the weight back on. But I seemed to do well with that over the summer -- but I've seen in the last few weeks that I'm starting to eat too much....

Various thoughts, nothing important

2011-01-10T17:25:00.002-05:00

It's hard to put a cohesive thought together to post anything. I've got very disjointed ideas floating around in my head and nothing seems to stick. That's why I haven't written lately.
That and the fact that I feel like I'd like to post a photo with everything, and I haven't got any good photos.

So maybe I'll take a photo of something, some of this mess, so you can see the clutter in my brain.

Every day that goes by is a day closer to the end of substitute teaching. And every day that goes by, I heave a sigh of relief that I got through it again today with no huge problem. And then I worry about what tomorrow will bring. (Like today, one of the girls said to me, "Ms. K, if we get in a fight, don't you step into the middle of it. We like you and don't wanna see you get hurt." What should I be expecting? She was laughing at the time... so I'm hoping it was just a joke... and she jokes about me being nervous quite often... eeeesh...)

I've been cooking with these kids since September. And I have no good ideas left. All of the good ideas I had in the beginning have been done already. Plus, there isn't so much money in the budget to make many meat dishes. So this week, they asked if they could learn how to make cannoli. But I don't know HOW to make cannoli. So I bought the cannoli shells, and I've got a recipe for the filling. But it doesn't sound like a very good idea to me... but I don't have any better ideas... The other projects for the week and next week for my three classes are (probably) eggplant parm; tiramisu; vegetarian chinese dumplings; portuguese chorizo, rice and beans; slovakian cucumbers; spinach artichoke dip; apple pie; dinner rolls with yeast dough; cheese danish; pizza with homemade crust; and mozzarella sticks. And I might spring for chicken for them to make fried chicken for the final meal. But I'm really tired of thinking about food, and I'm going out to dinner tonight. :p

It's supposed to snow again. Shoprite was crazy. Everyone had to get their milk and bread and eggs. I did the food shopping for the class, but not for home. But I think I have enough bread and milk and eggs anyway, at home. There's never enough at school.

Through a glass, darkly

2011-01-03T22:00:00.003-05:00

It's a new year and things are changing. Who knows what this year will bring? I'm optimistic, I hope I am right to be.
My first priority is to finish up this teaching job. I have a month to go, and it's still taking up huge chunks of my time and energy. Probably because I'm not good at it.

After that, my next priority is to get the budget figured out. Like I said - I'm optimistic. I'm going to take a fresh look at things and find ways to be more frugal to make up for losing my income.

Then, I've gotta come up with a career plan. I swing back and forth on this one. Am I desperate enough to work in Shop Rite? How about retail? Can I find a real career kind of job? Or maybe I should give writing and art a chance? Or should I stick with the real world? I really change my mind about this every minute. Which is why I need to go over the budget first.

It's gonna be an interesting year. It's interesting that last January, I had no idea that I would be in this position this January. And here I am. So who knows what will happen by next January?

One of my thoughts, though, is that it's gonna be a BIG year. Cross your fingers for me! :D

Messy Me

2010-12-28T08:32:00.002-05:00

I'm going to be very industrious today and clean out a lot of the messy areas that get stacked up with papers and laundry and stuff during the rest of the year, when I don't have the extra time or energy to figure them out. I'm GOING to get my room cleaned and my bills paid. I'm going to start next year with a clean house and a clean slate. And then, I hope, I'll work on staying a little neater to start with.

Don't believe me?

Why not?

You don't believe me because I'm sitting here on the computer and procrastinating, is that it?

OK. I'll take the challenge. It's 8:38 right now. I'm going to start working, and check back in at 10 AM. I bet I work really hard for the next hour-plus. And I'll come back and tell you what I've gotten accomplished. Sounds like a plan?

Ready, set, go.

Snow Photos

2010-12-26T18:52:00.002-05:00

I take a bunch of photos but they all look wrong. I haven't figured out yet how to exactly capture how beautiful it can be outside at night.

I took these within a few minutes of each other, on different settings.

Neither of them are right, but neither of them are wrong either. I want something in the middle?

The first snow of the year is always welcome. (Maybe not too many snow storms after that!) I am still in my pajamas... it's only 7 PM! No point in getting dressed, is there? I've had such a cozy day, making pots of tea, taking photos, writing, and eating cookies. It might be almost the same tomorrow because this snow is supposed to last until tomorrow night!

ache

2010-12-18T12:55:00.002-05:00

I've got some kind of virus, and everything hurts. I've taken the day off and I'm going to do nothing but sit and stare out into space and read and sleep. Well, it's a Saturday, so it isn't too complicated to take the day off. I'm missing a party tonight and all of that work I'm supposed to be doing right now. Not such a big deal.

Well, so much Christmas preparations I should be doing, so maybe it is a big deal... I'm feeling very behind. I've been feeling like I have so much pressure to get everything done but can't. That's the source of another dull ache in my head, I think.

How to Be Alone video...

2010-12-16T19:10:00.002-05:00

It's a beautiful poem, I love it.

I want to write more, but time is fleeting. Soon, though, I'll have all the time to myself again, and I'll be back to being alone. See ya then!

I want to paint this.

2010-11-13T10:56:00.000-05:00

I've started like two paintings recently that I'm in the middle of working on, and now I've got a third in mind, and it's along the lines of this photo... but not really, not even close.

The other paintings? Well, one is a painting about beauty, and how and what people see as beautiful, especially about generational style differences. I'm painting a picture of a girl - no one in particular, in fact, just a girl I've never seen or met before. It's good practice for my goal of getting better at painting and drawing people. And I'm trying to portray a pretty girl. But she's also pierced and tattoo'd, which some people would say looks good, and some people would say looks bad. I like it so far. Of course, like usual, my person isn't coming out overly realistic. It's making me think about signing up for a class in drawing people. Well, I'm thinking about it. That's not saying I'm actually going to follow through with that. Because right now, I'm a little over booked, with the job thing sucking my brain. But - I still might. I might take a night course at the county college. Will I be brave enough? I don't know. I'll feel a little weird in a class of kids. Is that a good enough reason not too? I'm not sure. We'll see.

The second painting is all symbolism and good luck. I read a thing somewhere about it being "good feng shui" to hang a painting of a boat coming in to harbor, so I decided to paint a picture of that to hang in my living room. (Not that I know enough about feng shui to KNOW if that's good or not - or if it's good in the actual spot that I'm hanging it - or if it's too much water for my chi, when I need more wood or more metal - or any of the other details that I would need to know!) But I've decided that I'm going for it, and I'm going to paint a good luck painting. So I decided that the boat coming in to harbor should be OUR boat. (Well, my husband and his buddy's boat. It's called "the broken drum", because you just can't beat it....pause... get it? get it?) And in the boat will be my husband and my boys. (Although recently, I've been wondering if his buddy should be in there too. But it's a small boat, and I'm not sure the picture will look right. I might just put something symbolic of his buddy and his family in it.) And the boat should be coming in with bounty of some sort - so I added a crab trap with crabs. And I'm sitting on the dock, reading a book. Because that's where I'd want to be. And the sun is shining brightly, and the sea is calm, and there are little pink houses in the background. And swans in the foreground - I'm gonna add more - to represent family and friends and constancy and grace and some other quality that I can't name off the top of my head, but it's kinda like loyal and true... ya know? So, yeah. That's painting number 2.

And painting number 3 is something along the lines of this photo, because there have been SO MANY nice days lately, and the sun has been shining goldenly through the trees and the trees are such a beautiful color! So I have something in mind. So... which one should I work on? I don't know, I guess I'll decide tonight!

Peace

2010-11-05T09:14:00.002-04:00

It's a beautiful, peaceful morning around here today. The leaves are falling off the trees quite rapidly now. I don't have work because we are still on holiday, so I have all the time in the world to sit and think and dream and read and drink tea. I have plenty that needs to get done, but I'm enjoying my peaceful time so much this morning that I'm going to have just one more cup of tea before I start running around. It seems I never get time to myself for this kind of thing, and I've gotta enjoy it while I can!

I've been trying to think deep thoughts, but something in my mind keeps switching them off. I've been trying to think about my goals; or about human nature, and how I can evolve into a better person; stuff like that. And yet I can't really get firmly into the meditation. I have an inner child chattering too much inside, and interrupting me. That aggravating voice that starts bringing up regrets and disappointments and embarrassments, and I want to drown it out, so I fill my head with other noise. Even when I was driving yesterday, and even when I was doing the dishes, both prime meditation times for me... I still couldn't find that profound place in my head. I think I'm going to have to take some time to schedule myself into a long peaceful silent thought time. Maybe when my husband watches football, I can walk to the park and sit by myself for a while. Maybe I can watch the trees lose their leaves, and whenever a stray thought pops into my head, any thought, I can just say "shush!" until all there is, is the silence and leaves falling.

November Sun

2010-11-01T09:28:00.000-04:00

Good morning! It's sunny, and brisk, and the beginning of a week off, and so of course I'm pretty happy! I had a nice get together here at my house yesterday with a bunch of my husband's friends from high school, and I have a busy week planned. So many things to try to jam into a few days. And everytime I think about it, I think of more things to add to my list of things to do. So even though I hope to start blogging more again, I think that right now, I've gotta go get started on my stuff. I'll try to post something more interesting tonight if I can think of something interesting to say! :)

Weather related

2010-10-29T14:21:00.002-04:00

I've noticed so often how my mood is soooo weather-related. If the sun is shining, all is right with the world. When the clouds scud across the sky, my mind gets cloudy and blah as well. WHY???? This drives me CRAZY!!! And you'd think that by recognizing it, I'd be able to fight it. Well, I can fight it, but I don't always win the fight.

Break from school begins... NOW... Yay! I'm liking the classes I'm teaching better than I did in the beginning, but it's still hard. Teaching is HARD. It seems so easy when you are on the outside looking in. But it's not, not if you really want people to learn. Everyone who reads this (unless you are a teacher) is probably thinking, "yeah, well how hard can it be, you have a week off now!" And sure, I have a week off. But I can tell you that I've got class work to do for at least two or maybe three of my days off, between grading and organizing and getting lesson plans together.

I'm going to try to get back in the groove for blogging. I don't know why it's become less of a habit than it had been. But yeah, I've got big plans for this week, and blogging is one of those plans! And my first step is to clear out all of these papers surrounding my computer. So let me get on to the task at hand... as soon as I have my tea...

What Now? What Next?

2010-10-18T22:13:00.002-04:00

I'm about to make a wish.... or maybe not. I can always only wish for one thing, for happiness, and it gets boring after awhile.
I'm teaching now. Yes, I love it and Yes, I hate it. I'm too nice, the kids walk all over me, I know that. I can't be mean, I don't even want to be. I don't want to change who I am; I just want them to learn that learning is a good thing, and I want them to listen to me because they SHOULD and because they will learn something. It hasn't happened that way yet.
And I'm SO TIRED. I have so many things to organize and think about. But actually, I find that they are pretty good when they get to cook, it's only when they have to do other things that they are bad.
Oh... did I mention that I'm the cooking teacher? Which doesn't just mean lesson plans, it also means getting to the market every few days. I'm TIRED!

But first -- as for what's next?
The cooking and teaching isn't going to last long. It's a temporary job. And I have another application out, for a job that would make decent money, but more manufacturing/factory based. Do I really WANT this job? I don't know. I want something stable, though, and this is a stable field - the oil industry. Can I even DO this job? I'm not sure about that either. But I had some whispers from the universe, that maybe, just maybe, it's something that would work for me. The timing would be right. The money would be great. It's a definite maybe. So? We'll see.

My summer of ART AND FLOWERS

2010-10-15T16:23:00.001-04:00

Hi all, long time no see!

I know, I know, I haven't written anything in ages. I haven't given up on blogging... although by this point, you may have given up on me! But I guess the explanation is that I've been so busy doing things, I haven't had the time or energy to write about them. But things are starting to settle down, and blogging is still something I like to do, so I'm trying to sit down now and actually write again.

The summer was amazing - I hope yours was too?

The bad thing, of course, was being laid off from a job I loved. But I wasn't "too" sad, because I had the whole summer to look forward to! So I set a bunch of goals for myself... things I'd always wanted to accomplish... and I did them.

I had an amazing garden. Well, not so many flowers, but plenty of veggies. We planted heirloom vegetable seeds, and I've saved seeds for next year. I wasn't sure it would be worth the cost, but I think it was. Even now we're getting string beans. The Zuchini was amazing. I didn't love the tomatoes, I have to try a different variety next year.

In the art side, I painted all summer, and the grand finale was a local art show I participated in last weekend. I even sold a painting!!! I was really excited. It was a skull on a pink background with flowers, a small canvas, and it went for $10. I was happy with that, because my only goal was to be IN the art show, and I didn't expect to sell anything. And no, it wasn't bought by a friend - it was a random passerby.

While I painted, other people wanted to paint as well... my husband has been painting with me. In fact, he's been painting even when I can't now! He loves it too :D and the kids too. Well, not MY kids. Nick likes to do three-dimensional work. Frank likes to play music. But their friends have come over and painted with me. And other friends of mine have joined us too.

I had other goals, as well. I looked for a new job. I had afternoon tea almost every day, sometimes alone, and sometimes with guests for a tea party. I started a book club, which was originally meant to be for the summer only, but everyone is enjoying it so much that I'm gonna keep going. This month, we're reading "The Alchemist" by Paolo Coelho. I always wanted to be in a book club! (If you are local, and want to join, give me a call! The more, the merrier!)

I didn't excercise as much as I should have, but I did manage to survive our week-long hike of the Appalachian Trail, and had a great time doing it - and lost 10 pounds! (Which may have been put back on, I don't know. I need to hike more!)

I survived the House Boat on Smith Mountain Lake. And had a good time at the beach house in Chadwick.

The summer flew by. And now, fall is upon us. I wasn't sure what I'd be doing for a career this year. Turns out that the school I was a secretary at needed a long-term sub in the cooking class, and they offered it to me. It's not as much money as I was making as a secretary - and it's way more work - but it's fun. I'm teaching high school kids, and although I have a lot to learn, I'm gonna get there. Eventually. (I need to toughen up some, that's for sure.) (But without being mean. I need to find that balance.) So I can teach cooking probably until next January... and then? I guess another summer of ART AND FLOWERS!!! lol :D I really thought that by this point in my life, I'd be settled. But I guess that's not my destiny. As long as I've got SOMETHING, I should be fine.

So tonight's a Friday, and I'm having my tea, and looking forward to painting tonight with some of my friends. I'll write more soon... maybe even tomorrow AM!

The Trail

2010-08-23T10:26:00.000-04:00

I'm back from my Appalachian Trail adventure with the Venture Crew :)
It was... hard to explain
exhausting
challenging
aggravating
amazing
invigorating
beautiful
fun
miserable
wonderful

all at the same time!

I had a lot of time to think and reflect. I want to write it down before I forget it... but first,
it's back to the rest of the real life that I've let go while I've been off playing for the last few weeks.

I'll be back soon
after I get some stuff done
:)

Atlas Shrugged

2010-08-10T22:17:00.000-04:00

This could be Atlas, with the weight of the world not momentarily resting on his shoulders
It could be Nick putting his dad on a pedastle
It was very, very funny to the folks sitting on their deck watching us pose
It is a very real photo
I really love this picture

Two variations on a theme

2010-08-10T21:44:00.004-04:00

Sunset,
two different nights this week
two different places
Relaxing at the beach
and relaxing at home.

I like them both
But home is a little... sharper... isn't it? Meaner?
But it's still home sweet home
and it's actually more peaceful in someways
home is home, after all.

You can't tell by looking at the beach photo
but at my back
are hundreds of thousands of people
vacationing at the Jersey Shore

And you can't tell by looking at the home photo
but the neighborhood is very quiet
and crickets are chirping, and music is playing
and no one is home but me.

This is what I've been working on lately

2010-08-07T12:39:00.000-04:00

I played with this for a long time before I figured out what I wanted to do with it. I really like the way it came out. I put actual pages of a book down first, and then painted on top of them. The quote is only me, I decided I wanted to just say something from myself, not try to look up something that someone else said. Not what I usually do, but I wanted to play... and I'm getting tired of trying to paint people, lol :)

This is a small one I just finished

2010-08-07T12:36:00.000-04:00

It was a quick painting but I really like it. I like the idea of adding words... maybe it's trite or hokey, but I do like the idea...

This is the one I'm working on right now.

2010-08-07T12:33:00.000-04:00

I like the idea and the vision I have of it in my head. I don't know if I'll be able to get that vision on paper. It's nowhere near that yet. But I plan on working on this one for a really long time, and I have a long way to go, so maybe I'll get there. It kinda matches the one I have already hanging in the dining room... But I am still terrible at people, and I still don't know how to get those cartoony people to look REALLLL...

I'm in training :)

2010-07-31T14:22:00.000-04:00

Time to get ready
We're going to hike again
I need to get in shape
The trail is calling

Nick's spinner craft video

2010-07-31T00:33:00.001-04:00

What else should I say? It is just that. Nick made a spinner craft and I liked it so I video taped it. So... there you are.

Painting Parties

2010-07-29T15:03:00.001-04:00

I love to paint, even though I'm never going to be a great artist. It doesn't matter because I enjoy it. (Although I'd enjoy it even more if it was turning out spectacular, I must admit!) But my belief is that art is great for arts sake, you don't have to be great at it, you don't have to paint something that looks exactly like what you are drawing, I believe you need to get down how you feel about what you are drawing. I'm not good at that either (lol) but it's still fun! And I guess it helps that I am not trying to get paid for my paintings - because that would be pressure of a different sort. But I love exploring what happens when you mix this color and that color, and if you use this brush instead of that brush, and if you add more water or glop it on. It's all fun for me.

And that's what I've been telling the kids, and Thor, too. Just paint, it doesn't have to be good, just do it! And they seem to be enjoying it, because we've had a few painting parties lately and everyone has hung out for a long while to paint with me, and that is a LOT of fun for me! I think they are having fun too...
:)

Here are my paintings

2010-07-27T15:45:00.002-04:00

I'm starting with the most recently finished, and working my way backwards to the oldest. Well, the oldest of the group that I'm doing right now, this summer. So anyway, don't think they are going to get better as they go along. And I do still have one that I'm working on now, that isn't anywhere near done, that I didn't post. It's nothing like this group, it is more of a collage and more random and I'm playing more with it. I'll post it in the next group, because I think that what I'm working on is the direction I'm going to go in next - more hodge podge.

Anyway, please feel free to comment (but don't feel like you have to comment just to make me feel better.) Say whatever you really mean, if you say anything at all. I don't mind constructive criticism, I'm trying to improve. What you see here basically represents practice more than anything else. Hopefully, some day practice will make perfect. Or at least practice will make better.

Sun rise at the waterfront

2010-07-27T15:41:00.002-04:00

I thought of this one when I was at the "Relay for Life" walkathon... I went to watch the sun rise and wanted to paint it. Although I was alone on the park bench :P
I started it a while ago, but I just finished it last night. It didn't come out the way I wanted it to... but then again, none of them really do... but I like it pretty much.

The Family Tree

2010-07-27T15:34:00.002-04:00

I started this one on ...Friday I think?... and finished it on Sunday.

It's my Dad, although like I said he doesn't really look alot like that - although I think my Grandfather, in the back, looks pretty good. I worked from photos for both of them. It's about my Grandfather's story about growing the peach tree from a pit. I remember him talking about it just before he passed away, and I remember thinking that it was a really important story about him. And now my father has a peach tree in the back yard, and I think of it as him keeping a piece of his father alive.

James and Tara

2010-07-27T15:27:00.003-04:00

I did this one pretty fast after vacation. I like the picture, but I don't really think it looks much like James and Tara. I worked from a photo, which I posted below.

I picked this photo because I liked the sparkles on the water, and I wanted to paint them. I don't think I did a great job on the kids, but I like the water...

I like this one.

2010-07-27T15:24:00.001-04:00

I did this one after I did all of the self portrait things below, and I wanted to do something more fun. I like this one. It's not supposed to be anyone in particular, but I think the fairy looks like Beth a bit...

Self Portrait 1 - I actually like this, surprisingly

2010-07-27T15:22:00.002-04:00

although I'm not sure how much it looks like me. I messed up the bottom half, so I added a fan, lol :)

Self Portrait 2 - I like this one the least

2010-07-27T15:20:00.002-04:00

and I'm still messing with it. Yesterday, it had all very grey and white hair, and I made it brown. I might change it again tomorrow.

Self Portrait 3 - most like me?

2010-07-27T15:18:00.002-04:00

I guess this one is best... Hopefully I'll get better...

It started as a self portrait, but...

2010-07-27T15:16:00.001-04:00

... I kept playing with it. I don't look anything like that, but it looks like SOMETHING. Again - like I said - these are the earliest things, I'm going from newest to oldest...

Early attempt - ballerina

2010-07-27T15:07:00.002-04:00

Comment! (I like constructive criticism)

Link to an article

2010-07-26T16:23:00.002-04:00

This article about BP, and about our government - and in fact our society's - response to corporate America - was a really good read...

My relationship to insects

2010-07-25T15:22:00.001-04:00

This butterfly has been following me around :)
I found one here at home before my vacation, and then the same kind in two different places on the trip.
What do you think that means?

And I found another butterfly on vacation - I don't know what kind it is...

And a dragonfly. I love dragonflies.

I've had a few crickets in the house over the last few days. I hate the way they look, but they are lucky aren't they? They are definitely noisy. I can't kill one when it gets in the house. It's too big. But I can just let it chirp, it doesn't bother me. It usually bothers one of the men in the family first, and they THEY can catch it and let it out.

But the bane of my existence are mosquitos. They love me. They love to feast on me. And one little nibble and it balloons up into a huge welt that itches like crazy. I hate that. And then the marks last forever. My legs are red spotted all over. Yuck.

Anyway, I don't have much else to say... was that exciting?

No I guess not. But, well, nothing much is new here, so that's what I'm left with. And I wanted to post a photo, so I did, right?

I'm officially unemployed. It's SO official, I've even received my first unemployment check. I'm working on getting a position... hopefully I'll have a job in October. And I've something in mind, something really POSSIBLE, not just a pipe dream. So I'm working on that but I'm not going to write it down yet. In the meantime, I'm working on my art career. So you could say, that for the summer, our government - generous to a fault - is paying me to have the career I've always wanted; I'm officially a paid artist! Well, I'm paid, and I'm putting in like 40 hours a week on art, so YES! I'm a paid artist!

My first show will be in October, and I'm trying to get ready by producing a TON of work (all of which probably won't sell, but I WILL SHOW it. And that's what a show IS, right?)

I've never painted people in my paintings, mainly because I've always been afraid to. I was never good at it. I was always afraid of what someone would say when they saw a painting of themselves that I did, and they hated it. And just painting myself over and over seemed boring. But with all of the time I have to improve, I'm working on including people. I want to get better as an artist, and I don't want to be held back because I can't paint people. So I've decided to paint people, and I'm sorry if I paint you and you don't like it.

I painted my dad, and he didn't hate it. Of course, he didn't really think it looked like HIM.
So yeah, I'm getting better at painting people, but I'm not getting good at making them accurate. You can tell it's a person, but I wouldn't necessarily say you'll know WHO it is.

Whereas, if I paint... say... a butterfly, you'll know it's a butterfly. And you'll probably even know it's an Easter Tiger Swallowtail or whatever. But maybe the butterfly wouldn't recognize himself. But I guess that's OK.

Another fun thing about painting is this: I've been having a lot of company painting with me.
My husband, and Nick and his friends, have been joining me periodically and painting too. It's cool... I love the company. It's been quite enjoyable!

Well. That's about it for now, but it reminds me -- I want to run out to the art store.
Bye!

An unpleasant article

2010-07-25T00:12:00.002-04:00

If you want to read about the middle class being wiped out -- the middle class being the class that America was founded on, the group of people that Iselin has always been home too -- then click here.

I can't write any more than that right now. Maybe tomorrow...

Love Boat Captain Vacation

2010-07-24T17:08:00.002-04:00

I finally got it! I take way too many pictures on vacation. So I put these together into a video. The quality came out poor -- it was way better when I put it together -- but, well, what are ya gonna do? At least I've got most of my pictures all in one spot! :)

Tell me what you think...

It's early. It's late.

2010-07-23T23:54:00.002-04:00

in the day. and in the year. And in my life.

I've been feeling very certainly over the last few days that it's early and it's late. I don't have a good sense of the middle. Middle age, the middle of my life, the middle of the afternoon.

It's almost the end of July. The time is going so slowly without a job. And yet it's going so quickly with not much to do.

Oh Captain, My Captain

2010-07-22T19:13:00.000-04:00

Husband saw the post yesterday... I asked him how he liked it? And his reaction was ... luke warm.
He was basically wondering why I didn't mention what a great job he'd done captaining the ship?
And I, apologetically, said I would do that today.

He said, "No, no, don't be silly, it's fine," but really, you KNOW he wants me to mention:
He did a great job as captain.

He really did. The proof of what a great job he did? There were NO problems, at all. He made it seem effortless.

And we're talking a pretty big, heavy boat. Once it gets some momentum going, it's going that way whether you like it or not. Full steam ahead. Batten down the hatches... batten 'em down again, we'll teach them hatches.

I wasn't nervous ONCE. I didn't think that would be the case. But he kept everything smooth sailing for the whole trip.

So thank you, honey... you did very well. I might even go on a houseboat again someday. Love ya... :D

2010-07-22T12:23:00.000-04:00

Vacation!

2010-07-21T10:17:00.000-04:00

What I did on my summer Vacation...

We just got back from our summer vacation. Well, summer vacation part 1. Frankie couldn't come, because he had to work, so we decided to bring my nephew Steve instead.
So summer vacation part 1, A - overnight in Baltimore. The Inner Harbor at Baltimore is a great place. There are plenty of things to see and do... we were only there for a short period of time.

Lunch? At Hooters. lol. We did bring two teenage boys, after all.

The American Visionary Art Museum in Baltiimore

2010-07-21T10:06:00.000-04:00

This was the main event for me - the part of the trip I looked forward to the most (considering that I was afraid of getting sick on the houseboat.) I've wanted to come to the American Visionary Art Museum ever since I first heard of it.

I made the boys promise to let me spend as much time as I wanted, with no complaints. But I think they found displays that they enjoyed as well. There was a section of little kinetic sculptures -- almost like little toys, that did things when you turned their cranks -- that they really liked. It was a great museum. Part of the greatness of it was in the variety of displays, all in the name of art. I had a great time.

The third floor was empty.

2010-07-21T09:57:00.000-04:00

However, my family, being completely into the whole art experience, decided to create their own art installation. It's a piece of kinetic performance art. Can you tell? And it was exhibited on the third floor of the Visionary Art Museum, for a few seconds only. It's rare, and probably priceless. I call it "Sculpture number 3."

We had a really nice dinner out ...

2010-07-21T09:50:00.000-04:00

We went to Phillips Crab House of Maryland. It was really the only expensive dinner out that we had. We made the most of it :)

Fabulous Night Life!

2010-07-21T09:47:00.000-04:00

After dinner we walked around the Inner Harbor - there was music and people dancing and shopping and hanging out. It was lovely. Then, we called it a night and went to bed. The next day was mainly driving.

Luray Caverns

2010-07-21T09:39:00.000-04:00

We had to take a side trip to see a cave... after all, it's a family tradition. What's that, there? Is it a BUNCH OF BANANAS?

We met the Jacksons at the lake

2010-07-20T14:29:00.000-04:00

...waiting for...

Parrot Cove Houseboats

2010-07-20T13:52:00.000-04:00

Our MAIN vacation was renting a houseboat at Parrot Cove Houseboats in Virginia.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a big fan of boats. I was not really too excited about this part of the trip because I always get seasick. But we had rented a houseboat once, years ago, and I remember that I had a lot of fun and it wasn't bad... so even though I was VERY apprehensive, I figured I'd give it a shot. I had my back-up plan. If the medicine didn't work, and if I still got seasick, I brought a tent. There is a very nice state park along the lake, and I was going to make them dump me off and I planned to sit in the campground until they were done.

Luckily for me, the seasickness patch (it was a prescription) worked PERFECTLY. I wasn't sick at all, and I didn't have to abandon ship.

Smith Mountain Lake, Virginia

2010-07-20T13:32:00.000-04:00

It's a beautiful place to vacation.
We found little secluded coves all along the lake, and parked it for the day. It was pretty solidly beached, and it didn't really rock. We stayed put at night - no need to go anywhere else, we had everything we needed.

The boys on the boat

2010-07-20T13:25:00.000-04:00

They had a great time. This was something we'd talked about doing for a long time, and I'm glad we finally did it.

The houseboat was great.

2010-07-20T13:04:00.004-04:00

It was so clean and comfortable inside, and completely equipped. We had a TV (which we never used)and a sound system (which we used constantly.) The kitchen had a fridge, a freezer, a sink, stove and oven. They provided linens and pots and pans and plates. The beds were even pretty comfortable. OH yeah - there were TWO bathrooms with showers.

The roof

2010-07-20T12:50:00.000-04:00

was a really nice place to relax, if the sun wasn't too strong

We also towed a littler boatalong behind us.

2010-07-20T12:38:00.000-04:00

The kids took this boat out a few times, and they used it for tubing.

We stopped at a "dock and dine"

2010-07-20T12:32:00.000-04:00

The place sold sandwiches and stuff, but we were looking for groceries. They also sold popcorn by the bag for the kids to feed the koi. It was fascinating.

It was gross.

2010-07-20T12:26:00.000-04:00

It makes you wonder if Koi are an invasive species. The water was just churning with them. Can you eat them? We had to buy at least $10 worth of popcorn to feed them. Not to mention the case of Coca-cola that cost $10, which was a pretty good price because they don't usually sell cases of soda, only individuals. At first, he quoted me $19 for a case of coke. Wow. Make sure if you rent a house boat, you don't plan on running out of food.

It was a very relaxing vacation.

2010-07-20T11:53:00.002-04:00

It was a lot like camping on the water, but with beds and showers. We cooked, fished, ate, and swam. The kids tubed and jumped off the top of the houseboat. And I had some paper and pastels and water colors to play with... but I really don't like anything I drew.

Everyone jumped in

2010-07-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

...the slide was fun too. They recommended that you use some of the dish detergent to get it really slippery. I was surprised by the suggestion, but it worked really well. (No, I didn't slide or jump. I'm chicken. But I did get in the water once or twice. Very slowly.)

The water was beautiful

2010-07-20T11:26:00.001-04:00

The last night we fished a lot

2010-07-20T11:22:00.000-04:00

...and I caught this one, which wasn't really very big -- but we cooked it and ate it anyway. We had to eat at least ONE fish, right?

You'll notice I don't actually TOUCH fish. Or bait.

The End

2010-07-20T11:16:00.000-04:00

Here is the group shot on the last day, everyone survived. :)

Me, Frank, Nick and Steve separated from the Jacksons and we headed home for Jersey. It was a pretty long ride, but I was happy because I got to eat at a Cracker Barrel finally.

The post script to the vacation is that I've been home for several days now.

And I've been sea sick ever since I took the motion sickness patch off. Bah.

The thing about gardening

2010-07-06T11:36:00.000-04:00

that you forget in May, when you plan to spend your entire summer in the garden, is that in Jersey in July it is just too damn hot to be outside!

Even so, my garden is doing fabulously well. It is huge and green and getting bigger. What it is NOT doing, currently, is producing anything you can eat. There are huge green vines that should eventually have string beans on them, and huge green leaves and flowers for the zuchini, and huge green plants full of tiny yellow flowers and a few small hard green tomatoes.

I suppose, eventually, I'll start getting a bounteous harvest. I'm a little worried, though. I need to get a LOT of veggies to make up for the money I've spent in the first place, starting the garden. Not to mention the money I spend on the water, watering it every day in this heat.

And I'm pretty sure that the harvest will start coming in at about the same time I decide to go away for a week. And Frankie won't know enough -- or care enough, anyway -- to pick the veggies. So by the time I get home, it will be all past its prime.

Or the squirrels will find the veggies before I do, and start nibbling. I've seen the little buggers hovering around the edge of the garden, just waiting.

Flutterbye

2010-07-03T10:49:00.000-04:00

Nick was looking out the front door this morning, and found this butterfly floating through our garden. He kept his eye on it for me while I ran for my camera, and I managed to get a few nice shots before it fluttered away.

This is the reason I don't believe in putting weed killers or pesticides on my lawn...

I have to look it up and find out what kind of butterfly it is. We never see this kind around here.

I'll let you know what I find out...

(Jozien, you probably already know!) :D Anyone care to guess?

2010-07-01T19:59:00.001-04:00

A Hopi Elder Speaks

"You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour. Now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered . . .
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader."
Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, "This could be a good time!"
"There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.
"Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water. And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, Least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey comes to a halt.
"The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
"We are the ones we've been waiting for."

-- attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder

Hopi Nation
Oraibi, Arizona

This post is a repost from Nancy at Life in the Second Half.

...and i have gone onto borrow it from Natalie's blog

Such profound words are meant to be shared...

Go on *You* know what to do

... And I borrowed it from Nolly Posh....

Sowing

2010-07-01T14:46:00.002-04:00

It's a glorious day out, isn't it?
Another new beginning, another next stage... who knew there would be so many chances?
I'm sowing so many seeds, so many possibilities. I have no idea what will happen next.
Maybe it will become dark and gloomy and cold soon, but who knows?
For right now, it's beautiful, and I'm sure going to enjoy it!

Morning, Glory!

2010-07-01T14:36:00.001-04:00

It's a beautiful day... and the beginning of the NEXT stage of my life, I guess! So far, all signs are excellent! I woke up bright, and early, I got some things done, I played around a while, I've had fun AND structure.

No tea-time this afternoon, as I have an appointment at 4, so I won't be home. Tomorrow, though, certainly!

And it's funny how much I've written today in the small amount of time I've had to write. I haven't felt in the mood to blog lately - but today, it all came back to me. Today, I'm excited about it again.

My time is my own, and it's beautiful!

Writing and painting

2010-06-29T08:21:00.002-04:00

Good morning!
Long time no see, eh?

Well, I've been finishing up my career, and setting myself up for a nice summer at home. For some reason, I haven't felt like I have much to say lately. That's about to change, though. Even if I have nothing to say, once I'm out of work I'm planning on writing religiously. One of the bad things about being unemployed, for me,has been a lack of structure. So I plan on creating some structure for myself by alloting certain time to write, and certain time every day to paint, and certain time every day for tea. And I plan on writing even if I have nothing to say.

I have work today and tomorrow, and that's it. There are a lot of emotions associated with that, some good, some bad... well, I guess I'll have that to write about.

But that's not today. Today, I'm in work. I have tons of things to do before the end of my career :)
so I'll talk to ya tomorrow...

Prom Pictures... Just a few!

2010-06-05T09:41:00.005-04:00

Two things

2010-06-04T11:33:00.004-04:00

Thing one
and
Thing two

No, not really :)
they look cute

They're going
to the prom
(more photos tomorrow!)

That's one thing.

The other thing
is that I've finally gotten up the nerve
to be in an art show
October 9th

so I better get hoppin'!

Bucket Lists

2010-06-01T09:17:00.002-04:00

Hi Mom :)

I'm writing on here again, sorry I've been away lately. I've been writing a lot on the Iselin blog, and it's been keeping me pretty busy. I'm trying to post something new every single day over there -- even when it's only a quote or a photo.
I figured I'd work on this blog again more consistently when I had time, after I lose my job, but I guess the truth is that I'll always have the same amount of time that I do now -- not lots of time, not ever. Busy busy busy!

So with losing my job, comes a new alignment of priorities. One of the things I've been thinking about a lot is ... what do I really want to accomplish in my life before I die?

I've thought about the "bucket list" -- the list of all the things you want to do before you kick the bucket. I guess in my case, I'm really thinking of all of the things I want to do before I get another job, because another job will probably mean longer hours than I've been working. If I'm lucky.

Other people have bucket lists with things like climb Mt. Everest and sky dive. I don't want to do those kinds of things, they aren't me. I've got much more modest goals.

So I'm going to start another list on my side bar over there >
and it's going to be all about the things I want to accomplish
and having it written down should help me focus on getting it done
Maybe?

That picture of me up there? It was one of the things that was on the bucket list
(like I said, I have very modest goals!)

I went to Gyp's Tavern up by KMSR this weekend.
All of the other scout leaders have been there. I never went. I always wanted to stay with the kids.
But the kids are certainly old enough to not need a mommy with them, and I wanted to have been to Gyp's at least once! So there I am, having a shot of Jack at Gyps.
It was lovely. :) It was totally worth it.

2010-05-22T07:45:00.003-04:00

Happy Husband's Day!

2010-05-18T15:55:00.002-04:00

Well... I just made that up, really. But I wanted to tell my husband how much I appreciate him, because I know he's having a bad week. Month. Maybe year? But really, dear, it's going to get better. (I'm playing the lottery. I've gotta win eventually, right?)

This is my husband. He's cute, isn't he? He's a very nice and nice looking guy. Everyone who meets him likes him. He's good-natured and pleasant, and he's very intelligent. He's strong, organized and a hard, fast worker. He knows how to get things done, and get them done in the shortest amount of time possible. Frank and I are opposites.

We've been married for a very long time. VERY long. He was my childhood sweet-heart, if you think about it. He's the second guy I dated, seriously. Seriously.
Frank is better known around here as Thor. I don't know how that got started, exactly. I have a few ideas, but nothing I'm certain about. But really, it's Frank. I hope he doesn't mind that I've outted his identity.

Frank has been working VERY HARD lately. He's done some SERIOUS work around the house, and that's not even mentioning the work he has to do at work. And work's been no fun for him lately, and he's been working there for a really long time. And he really doesn't complain (much.) All he really wants is a nice neat house, dinner on the table, a beer and his favorite tv show.

But, instead, he has me.

I don't clean very much, and I cook sporadically -- and what I cook is usually NOT the kind of food the serve on cooking shows. And I don't like the same kind of TV shows he likes; for example, I'll be watching Glee tonight. He won't.

Plus, I get cranky pretty frequently, from real or imagined aggravation - it's all the same. I guess I'm not very pleasant to be around, usually. And he puts up with that too.

So I thought about it, and decided it would be a good idea to say,

Thank you honey. I love you and I appreciate everything you are doing.
And I appreciate all of the times that you've bit your tongue when you stopped yourself from saying something that I would get pissy about.
And I'm sorry I've been pissy the last few days, I should know it's stress, not you.
And I appreciate the fact that you don't like going to work anymore, but you are stuck working because I'm being laid off, and besides, I wasn't making enough money to live on anyway.

And I hope you don't have to work TOO late tonight. I plan on making dinner. (Probably leftovers. But still, it's dinner.)

Sparks

2010-05-17T09:50:00.000-04:00

It started out peacefully, beautifully.
But sometimes when you don't expect it, the atmosphere will just change. Maybe a wind blows some kind of spark around and it catches on something dry.
I don't know why. I still don't really understand.

Summer of Art and Flowers

2010-05-13T11:46:00.002-04:00

I'm so tired of being at the mercy of my own mood swings. Yesterday was rainy and cold, and I was sleepy all day. Today is nice and sunny, and I'm full of plans and energy and good humor. This picture wasn't taken yesterday OR today, by the way.

So today, with my energy and good mood, I've got a plan for the summer. I want to consider this the SUMMER OF ART AND FLOWERS... and tea and wine and music and painting and books...

But I'm going to do something different than I usually do when I'm unencumbered by a job. I'm going to have a schedule, and be creative within my schedule. Because I've found from working that I am more energetic with a routine and a schedule that is forced on my from my job, but I sit around and wish I had more time for myself. And I have no deadlines so I can't decide what to do, and so I dither around quite a bit more. And I feel down, because no matter what I do, I'm not sure it's what I SHOULD do. But not this summer.

I'm going to have regularly scheduled tea, and I'm going to have a timetable set up for when I must clean, and when I must NOT clean. I'm going to make my summer of ART AND FLOWERS be all organized, and see if I enjoy it more.

I'm looking forward to it right now, that's for sure!!!

Happy Mama's Day!

2010-05-08T23:32:00.002-04:00

It was a very full day today... and tomorrow... and the next day... lots to do, and my feet are killing me! But tomorrow is Mother's Day. Have a good one!

Not the most attractive picture of me. :D

2010-05-02T09:57:00.001-04:00

We did have a lovely day yesterday... It was cool and sunny and lovely!

Sunday Morning

2010-05-02T09:11:00.002-04:00

I love Sunday Mornings the best, when I have the house to myself because everyone is sleeping, and I can have my tea and sit and play computer and write as long as I want.

I'm planning on working all week this week. I've started taking sick days and I haven't used all of them but I think next week is going to be a busy week because there are going to be a lot of people in the school for a conference. I plan on taking a lot of sick days in the next few weeks, leading up to June 30th, which is my last day.

On Friday, I got my letter officially saying that I won't have a contract next year. I'm quick to say to everyone that it's fine, it's not a problem, I'm not freaking out. I'm almost happy, looking forward to the summer at home and not waking up at 6 AM anymore. And my husband is still working and Frankie has a job, which is confirmed, and even Nick might have a job - maybe even two jobs, if I'm lucky, hopefully a summer job and then a part time job for during the year.

And I'll like sitting home during the day and writing and playing computer as much as I like by myself.

But even though there are all these positives, I'm still sad that I'm losing my job. I liked that job. Most of the time. As far as jobs go, it was a good one.

I keep trying to say to myself that whatever is meant to be will be, and that maybe something better is meant to happen, and that everything always works out for the best. And I think I believe this about 75%, because so far, it's been true. OK, maybe I believe it about 85%.

But of course there is always that doubt that creeps in. What if it ISN'T true this time?

Oh well, I'm still working it out. I won't know until something happens.
Life continues to be interesting, doesn't it?

Let the Sun Shine In :)

2010-04-29T15:20:00.000-04:00

We had the tree cut down in the back yard today! I'm quite happy, although I love trees, there is still a very, very large stump in the corner, so I don't feel like it's gone completely.

I took this picture to show how open and lovely the sky is now that the tree is gone, and I didn't even see the bird when I took it... but the camera did! I love autofocus, at least sometimes.

And of course the photo wasn't EXACTLY this color... but Picasa just let me play with the colors a little, which I love to do.

I can't wait for the weekend, the back yard swim club is opening for sure!